She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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