So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
tell me about the fingering
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