I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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