Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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