i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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