Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
