im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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