I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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