i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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