I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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