i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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