ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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