I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
