K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
whose parrot is this?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
