I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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