gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
