Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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