my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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