i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
