it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
be right there i have to get my cape
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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