Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
