you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
