Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
