I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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