It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
