We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My vagina is very pro this idea
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
