hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
