Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
