4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
