I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
