Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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