i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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