Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
