Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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