UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
