Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
