I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
