I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
