a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
So squirting runs in the family.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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