i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
