Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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