hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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