it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
