I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
