i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
