Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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