I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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