You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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