I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
