i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
