did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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