I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
