Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
