i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
