And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
