I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
