Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
