my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
no, he came in my armpit
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
