u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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