How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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