After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
