Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
