I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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