I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize