Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
