She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize