Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
