I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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