I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
