Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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